Fitting in Society

Guess who the person is based on the description.

This person is the main character on a teenage sitcom about a black family that was televised in the early to mid-1990s. This character started out as an outsider to the family and was different than the family in his way of dressing and speaking, as well as his social popularity. He wore brightly colored clothing and had a strong sense of personal identity. He was a character for sure. Ex. Fresh Prince, Steve Urkel

The exact same description applies to both even though they are completely different characters. Steve Urkel is a nerdy social outcast while Will Smith is a cool trendsetter who is good with the ladies.

There are a lot of similarities between Steve Urkel and Will Smith from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Everyone would say that Will Smith is higher-value than Steve Urkel despite their similarities. What is that specific characteristic that makes one misfit higher-value than the other one? We all have a gut reaction of who’s more higher-value, but it is hard to describe the reason behind it.

Just like style, value has several levels in it. You have a range of “not fitting in” to “fitting in” to “standing out.”

The difference between “not fitting in” and “standing out” is sort of a choice. If you’re not fitting in, it’s usually because you couldn’t meet the standard and couldn’t be normal or well-accepted. If you’re standing out, you could have fit in but you made a choice not to. It was a conscious choice and it was made out of abundance and ability rather than a lack of ability or neediness. It’s like you standing out due to one unique item compared to you standing out due to your clothes being awful or cheap. This is what high-value behavior really is.

You can’t go from “not fitting in” to “standing out.” You almost always have to go through the “fitting in” stage or at least reach a certain value level. This range of value can be used as a metaphor in many things we do. 

All three people are congruent with an identity. 

Steve Urkel is congruent with the nerdy identity. Carlton is congruent with the “fitting in” identity by being a decent adult who goes along society’s rules. Will is capable of doing all these things, but he wants to keep his personality and individuality and actively avoids going along society’s rules.

What is their manner of not fitting in? Are they not fitting in on value or comfort characteristics? 

Steve Urkel does not fit in due to excessive comfort and lack of value. He tries to get one girl who keeps rejecting him through being nice and offering the world to her while offering no value.

Carlton fits in with a heavy emphasis on comfort. He has some value in terms of wealth and education but they are all socially comfortable.

Will Smith does not fit in due to value. He takes risks, tolerates social pressure, is willing to create a scene, and has social proof through having girls into him.