Inner game is your thought patterns. It is what happens between your ears. This is talking about your psychology and thoughts.
Attribution is a big distinguisher of high-value and low-value guys and successful vs. unsuccessful guys in life. When you succeed or fail at something, where do you place the praise or blame?
High-value guys tend to give an internal attribution to their successes and an external attribution to their failures. This does not mean they don’t take responsibility or make excuses for their failures. You are not a failure just because you failed.
A guy with low-value thought patterns will internalize his mistakes and think that he’s a loser in life and make it personal. A guy with high-value thought patterns will be like “Oh, I messed that up. Let’s do better next time.” He learns the lesson and then gets on with his life. This is an idea of “I’ve made a mistake”, not “I am a mistake.”
A guy with high-value thought patterns will attribute success internally. A guy with low-value thought patterns will attribute success externally. Todd had a guy who had low confidence in picking up girls and picked a pretty cute girl straight out of a program despite not picking up a girl before. When Todd congratulates him, he keeps his identity as not good with girls and downplays the fact. It should have been one of his best moments, but he was denying himself the winner effect. When you do succeed, give yourself credit. You should be giving yourself permission to step up or step out. Successful guys will take credit and celebrate their victories.
Your victories should be labeled as victories at the bare minimum. Labeling victories is physiologically healthy and good for you.
Think about whether you’re a guy who has been attributing in the wrong way.
Self-talk is huge. You are your own intimate conversation. You know and judge yourself more than anybody else.
If you are constantly kicking yourself in the teeth, it is not a surprise that the world kicks you in the teeth. It’s no surprise if you get insulted by someone and you just take it because you’re constantly playing yourself down. If you give yourself shit, it’s not surprising if you are not loose and relaxed enough to have a response when a girl shit-tests you.
You need to find a form of self-love. Find something that you like about yourself. If you absolutely hate where you are, you should at least love the direction you are moving in. You should be finding positives and hope with a sense of direction and motivation in it.
What you should do is to act through self-love. Act as though you deserved the success you got. Everybody deserves the right to try and stand out to be their best selves. If the world is trying to deny you, that’s fair enough.
If you are denying yourself the right to be the best, that is tragic. Don’t be your own enemy. There are plenty of people around the wall that would love to keep you down. You owe it to yourself to be your own fan.
Be hard on your efforts and easy on your results. If you truly did your absolute best and failed, you should be proud of yourself. It is reasonable to be angry or frustrated that you failed. You should not be hard on yourself because you did all the right efforts. You should know that you will get success eventually if you consistently do the right efforts. On the other hand, you should be a little hard on yourself when you did not put in your best work regardless of the outcome.
If your goal is to hit the gym, be very hard on yourself if you’re not going to the gym. However, don’t be hard on yourself when you lose 0.75 pounds a week instead of 1 pound a week. You just need to make adjustments to hit the goal of losing 1 pound a week. As long as progress is made, be easy on yourself.
Let’s say you did not get any results after making a plan and going to the gym for a straight week. A result that was actually made is you consistently going to the gym for a week. This will make it so you build a habit and reach your goal more easily. Make sure that you’re not complacent. Always strive to keep improving.
You oftentimes can’t control the results, but you can control earning the results. Life is very random in general. You can’t always control walking up to a girl and taking her home.
You can control which high caliber girls are dating you over the course of many approaches. You can control putting in enough quality reps so that your success is statistically assured. You are trying to do so many right things that it is a statistical anomaly if you fail.
It is fine if you fail by not having every single part succeed. As long as you’re focused on the process, the results don’t need to be the best.
You want to reframe things as positive to experience them as wins.
A good exercise to do is to take every single thing negative and reframe it positively. If you failed, you learned a good lesson that you can use next time. If you are exhausted, you triggered physical and mental growth.
There is a way to reframe almost anything in a positive way. You can start with 10 minutes a day and work up to one hour a day reframing things in a positive light. This will help get you good thought patterns and mental habits that will get you through in life.