Leading a Frame 

You will be much better off if you are the one dictating what is of value in an interaction than having it decided for you. Let’s say you’re a smart guy with some interesting stories and a decent amount of value. If you compare yourself to a hot girl at a club, you’re more likely to be more intelligent and/or financially stable than her. In a club, she has more value because the venue has a standard of high value. It’s mostly based on who is the hottest, the best dressed, or has the best table. In almost all non-club scenarios, such as a job interview, you would be the one having the higher value.  

In a world where your principles are considered the most important, you will almost always be the higher-value person. In a world where the girl’s principles are key, she is going to be the higher-value person in the interaction.

Increasing your general value is important. What’s as important, if not sometimes more important, is dictating the playing field and choosing who is the higher value. Let’s say you had to decide if Lebron James or Michael Phelps wins a competition. Even if it’s stated one person trains for 3 months while the other rests, it is still a hard choice to make. It’s a different story if they’re able to choose the competition. They could train all they want, but the other person would not be able to compete with the athlete who chose the category of the competition. Similarly, if you let the girl dictate the conversation, you’re going to end up being lower-value than her. 

Know your values. Know who you are. Know what you believe in. 

You can state your values to her. Say “I’ve always believed..” or  “I’ve always found this right.” Make assertions. Stop asking questions or asking for permission. If she does something that you don’t align with, give her shit about it. 

Demonstrate your values. Live your values as the way you state them.

Until you get her to play in your field, you will always be chasing. Once she does play in your field, the sky’s the limit. 

EXERCISE — Preframing & Leading

Write down your answer to “What do you believe in so much that you wouldn’t change it even after sleeping with a supermodel?”

Write what nonphysical traits you want to see in a girl.

If you know what you think is important, you can plan ahead so you are able to dictate the conversation. 

If you know what traits you want from a girl, you can use them to challenge her and not let her dictate the playing field.