Living in Reality
If you are in conflict with reality, you are going to have massive problems with people, success, and excuses.
The first part of living in reality is not “shoulding” on yourself. Tony Robbins uses the same phrase but it was used in a different concept. Using the word “should” is the single worst way to deal with reality because it essentially negates reality. Every time you say something should’ve happened, you’re saying that reality is this way and you oppose it. Being an opposition to reality is not a functional way to exist in the world. You create stress for no reason every time you say “should” because you’re opposed to reality.
The book “Power of Now” has several key ideas. One idea is that only “now” exists while the past and future don’t exist. The more you’re focused on what actually exists, the better off you’re going to do. This is absolutely a life-changing concept. This is something that most people don’t do.
EXERCISE — Reverse Self "Shoulding"
Every single time you use “should”, reverse it. Ex. Instead of “I should have a better job”, say “In reality, I shouldn’t have a better job because I didn’t do my education.” Instead of “I shouldn’t have gone into that car accident”, say “Actually, I should have statistically because an X amount of people get into car accidents every year in the USA.”
Find a way to accept reality and get on with it.
You can challenge yourself with this like the “Don’t Qualify Yourself” exercise.
Instead of having the idea the world owes you something, get to reality, which is it shouldn’t and focus on changing that reality.
Every time you say the word “should”, you should be aware and be like “I’m probably wrong.”
EXERCISE — Stay Present
Try to stay present.
It is hard to keep your mind from wandering into the past or future. You can try it for 1 minute at first and slowly increase your time.
The real and useful challenge is to stay present throughout life.
You want to be positive and just start developing this habit.
If you catch yourself daydreaming, be like “Oops” instead of “I’m a moron for letting myself daydream.”
This will help you in terms of being productive and being more charismatic.
A lot of people are not charismatic because they’re worried about something they said 5 minutes ago or something they’re going to say in 5 minutes and don’t pay attention.
Ironically, the best things to say are going to be responses to what the person you’re talking to is saying at that moment.
Just pay attention and focus and let what you’re going to say come out naturally from being present at that moment.