Pointing Out the Gap

“Gap” means the gap between who someone is conveying they are and who they actually are. When you go out into the world,  you try to highlight your best qualities while hiding your worst ones. You’re putting a presentation to the world for one thing when you know you are something else. Most people, especially aspirational or ostentatious people, want to put out something they want to be rather than what they actually are. 

You will do well if you can point out the gap. If you’re calling someone out for doing game, you can say “Wow, that was smooth. Where did you get that from?” instead of blatantly saying the guy is doing game. It puts a lot of social pressure on the guy since he’s trying to be a cool and social guy to the girl. It puts him in a weird situation where he can be “Oh, I’m not doing game” and justify and qualify himself or he can go along and say “Oh, yeah. I’m good at this”, which makes him qualify himself. If you saw someone wearing a Ferrari jacket, you can be like “Oh, nice jacket. The car’s outside, right?”. The guy has to either sort of ignore it and handle it like “I only have the jacket” or he might sound fake when he tries to play it off and act like it’s real. 


Ariana Grande

In the picture on the left, she tries to look not try-hard but it is clear that it was intentionally staged. 

The gap could be trying to not look try-hard or being very posed. 

You could also use the fact that you caught her wrapped up in perceiving herself. If she’s sitting by herself at a nightclub and staring into the distance, you could be like “Sorry, you look lost in self-reflection. Thought you might want to come to join the party.” You’re pointing out the gap of how she’s posed and extra elegant but not being congruent to the thing that is going on. You could also point out how it’s not interesting that she dressed up to dress down. 

The second photo looks very silly. You will see a lot of girls doing silly poses for a photo or doing something silly with their girl friends. It’s an amazing moment if you can make eye contact with the girl while they’re being silly and either roll your eyes or be like “Wow, that was hilarious.”

A big thing with particularly hot girls is that they are used to being called hot and being acknowledged as beautiful. Another way to look at them is as being cute and silly. This is still positive because it is not insulting. Guys should not be flat out insulting a girl, especially on their appearance when they know they’re hot. Treating them as cute and amusing and not taken seriously can work well here. You can use something like “I love that dress. I see you really just chose to blend in tonight” as a tease in a situation where she clearly wants to be seen. She wants to be perceived as a natural pixie elegant person who’s getting all the attention when it’s clear she is actively seeking the attention. 

The last photo makes it look like she is in high school. You want to avoid a tease on this because it has an association with her being underage, which is a social issue. A tease that can work is “I bet you look good with your natural hair color.”It is a compliment but you’re assessing her. The fact that she does not look like a natural blonde could be the insecurity of not being a natural blonde. You’re also poking fun at the fact that she put on a facade. 

Commenting on a girl’s appearance, especially a hot one, may not be the best way to go. These may be behavioral. It is better to have an adjective for their looks rather than commenting on their physical appearances. 


Kendall Jenner 

There are three hot girls present in the first photo. Any of the girls could have arrogance or attitude when they are approached. They also show feistiness based on their interaction. There is a decent chance that the girls will have a rejection semi-prepared if they see you approach the table. It is difficult because there is no non-obvious way to do the approach. 

You should look for situational opportunities. It can be seen that the girls are flipping off their fingers. What you can do is to catch their eyes flip them off back. If they react strongly, you can shake your head at them and roll your eyes or do a second gesture. If they react to that, you can act as if you have to walk over to them since they engaged you first. If it is not noticed, nothing is lost. If the girls don’t react to it much, you still engage with them on a level and you can go back to whatever you were doing and still be able to approach them later. That approach would be a little warmer or welcoming than if you simply walked across to them. 

If you have to start the conversation in an obvious way, you can make it non-sexual at first and work as the social fun guy. You can bring the intentfulness later on. An old school opener could be good for a group situation with no soft points. 

Todd would not approach in the second photo. She’s clearly being photographed. Interrupting this would be extremely try-hard and uncalibrated.

You should approach her at a different time. She is blatantly dressed and accessorized well. When you do approach her, you can point out how tryhard or over the top the outfit is. 

You can also think about the type of event she is at. She is most likely dressed up for an event. If you are fitting in at the event, you don’t even need to do a cold approach since you were there or know someone in the event. The problem with approaching celebrity girls is the problem of having access to a situation where they can be approached. 

In terms of pointing out the gap, you can say several things. “I like your outfit. Now, tell me. Do I have to buy a matching purse for every shirt you own?” “The look is elegant. The neck warmer really sets it off.” Overall, you should be complimenting and not insulting. If you insult the way she is dressed, you’re wrong because the way that she is dressed is very elegant. 

The third photo is a typical situation where you can approach. She is well dressed with a unique look. She looks like something nefarious and untrustworthy, such as an assassin. You would give the compliment because she is clearly well dressed but you should have a bit of not taking her seriously. You can play on her gloves. When it comes to hot girls, you do not want to be giving physical compliments such as “You’re hot.”

The premise of this is to see what opener to use for the girl and assumes the opener is a big part of the interaction. It is definitely not the whole deal. The only goal for an opener is to open. You are not trying to blow the girl away with a clever opener. If the opener is too clever, it might actually appear rehearsed or that you have been trying to think of it for 10 minutes. It is okay to be largely positive and friendly at first. You should trust that your value is enough for a conversation with a girl on a level playing field. 

“How many prostate exams did you do tonight” is really funny, but it could be a bad first opener. It could be okay if you were talking for a while and you say that. Starting out with something full-on insulting won’t work often. Why would you approach and then try to be negative? Wherever you are trying to be negative, it should be subtle and kind of happened as opposed to really put on and tryhard.