How does one be vulnerable and honest while still being high-value?
The way you use certain phrasing and words is going to have an impact. When you use vulnerability, this can mean a few things.
Vulnerability as in willingness to be honest or expose yourself to the world is a good trait and shows high value. It shows you’re unafraid and that you’ve exposed yourself to the world.
On the other hand, if vulnerability means weakness, then it is a low-value trait. Weakness or complaining tends to be low-value. In a deep relationship, being a partner to someone and tackling problems together is powerful. If the partner can’t help you or it will only give them stress or negativity, there is no point in sharing it.
A lot of guys have an idea or attitude that they do game because it’s showing vulnerability. This is not the best idea. It is valid when your value is extremely high with no risk or when there is a specific reason to teach your girl game to make your and her experience better. An example is to teach a girlfriend some game so she could pull girls for a threesome. If you tell her just to tell her, she is going to think about her experiences with you and question if it was real and if it was truly you. Guys feel guilty about it, so they get it off their chests. This is just you having an internal issue that you are trying to address through the other person, which is low-value.
If being vulnerable or open is helpful to the other person or to the relationship, do it. Don’ be scared to be you and to be honest.
The form of vulnerability you should avoid is complaining. If you complain and yell about work to your girlfriend, the work situation won’t be better and the situation with the girlfriend won’t be better. It’s just making you look weak and doesn’t establish anything.
Even if it is the wrong kind of vulnerability, it could lead to a deep relationship if you and the girl work together to overcome it.
Can you share some strategies for building social proof into your life in the long term?
The best way is to have it actually right. It’s not about conveying social proof but creating it. Go out of your way to have friends. If there’s an invitation to an event that you don’t want to go but is good for relations, put some value on it and go out of your way a bit. Try to be a leader and stand up to those things.
There are a lot of things that you can do that are purely external to social. Noted accomplishments can be social proof, such as writing something and putting it into a website. Getting called as a speaker is another form of social proof. Being a Youtuber with content other than dating girls with a decent amount of subscribers is also social proof. Look to maximize anything you have.
Make sure that the things you achieved are visible. It doesn’t need to be tryhard visible but should be in the background like a passive demonstration.
Another great way is to connect with people. When two people have something in common, it is a bridge between them so they will have a level of respect in that level.
It’s like if you ask how to build a house. There are thousands of ways to build houses, such as different materials and the presence of some rooms. It’s about picking a house and start placing bricks down. Even if the bricks are not perfectly placed, it will still hold and protect you from the weather. You can always change some parts if you have to. The most important thing to do is to be caring and willing to put the work and build the house.
Once you “placing bricks”, you will find certain things that you enjoy more or has more impact than the others. This is how to find a particular strategy. What works for someone who lives in rural won’t work for someone who lives in a busy city like New York City.
The most important thing is that it is long term. Just start building and notice what’s working and happening.
When you’re in an interaction, how do you calibrate what kinds of traits you’re displaying and how to fix it at the moment?
Do not over calibrate. Most guys who have not heard of game are massively over calibrated. They are so concerned with the other person’s perception about them that they are not themselves and don’t display attractive qualities.
The core of being attractive is being attractive. There are universal qualities and behaviors that make you attractive. If you stray from it too much, even in a calibrated way, it will make you unattractive and low-value. If you keep thinking about what low-value traits to avoid in an interaction, you’re more likely to mess up and do more low-value things.
Instead of looking at game as an endeavor of never making mistakes, look at game as trying to do so many things well the mistakes don’t matter. You are trying to do 100 things well so the 2 or 3 mistakes you did are irrelevant. Don’t worry about fixing the mistakes at the moment and fix them afterward. If you’re playing a sport and miss a shot, you will go down a downward spiral if you keep constantly thinking about you missing. What you want to do is to put it out of your head and do the right thing next and fix the mistake by watching game film and practicing after the game.
The same thing happens in game. Don’t try to correct a mistake at the moment.Reflect on it when you’re thinking back to your day or night and try to fix it. Don’t try to be perfect every time, but try and be a little more perfect every time.
How should you change how you’re showing value as you get older as a man?
As an older man, you’re expected to be in something of a different position. There will be certain things you’ll get credit for and certain things you’ll get less credit for than in the past. At 16 years old, you would look more mature and high-value compared to other 16-year-olds if you had a job and a car in high school. If you’re 30 to 40 years old and have the same job and car from when you were 16 years old, that won’t do much to value because you’re expected to have moved up in life. On the other hand, if you’re in your 30’s and kept your body from when you were 16 or 18 and you were relatively fit and athletic then, you’re probably going to do well compared to a lot of people your age because it’s less expected.
The other thing to think about besides specific traits is your overall persona. You will have different unique value propositions at different ages in your life. At one end of your life, you’re presenting yourself as a young, ambitious, sexy guy who did good in the sack. At another place in your life, you might present yourself as the established leader who can teach girls things and has his life together with some power over his day-to-day life. It’s almost like changing from a young adult story when you’re 16 to a thriller or biography of power when you’re in your 30’s or 40’s. There are different narratives you can choose to be but there are some that make more sense than others at different ages.
Is being humble when a girl is aware of one’s achievements a useful virtue in the dating game and if so, is there a risk of becoming self-deprecating?
Humility is generally good after the fact. Being humble doesn’t get a lot of attention.Once you already have attention, being humble is massively respected. It is massively respected if a major competition champion thanks the people who got them there because they could have used the moment to self-aggrandize. They don’t need to self-aggrandize because their actions speak for themselves. On the other hand, being brash and cocky and getting attention as an up and coming boxer with a few flashy wins would potentially get them a title shot faster.
Brashness and boldness are useful when necessary in a clearly non-winning situation. Humility is good when you’re in a clearly winning position. You want the humility to be confident humility.
The Super Bowl champion is thanking everyone out of appreciation, not because he thought he wasn’t enough. It’s okay to be modest when the accomplishments speak for themselves or when the point was made by you or someone else social proofing you.
You don’t want to be self-deprecating. If the champion was like “I don’t even know why I’m here. I don’t deserve this” instead of thanking everyone, it would be off-putting and low-value. You don’t want to go down to a level of actually talking down on yourself ina a logical or legitimate way.
Being humble magnifies the actions when they speak for themselves. The other person has to think “I know these good things about him and he’s being humble. How many good things has he not told me?”On the other hand, it would be like “I know these good things about him and he’s clearly self-promoting. Well, I probably know all the good things about him.”
How do you avoid falling into low-value traits as a high-value guy when your life starts to crumble? How do you keep your head up and bounce back from the downfall in whatever region of your life?
There are several ways to take this. You can take this in a low-value way such as complaining, explaining yourself a lot, and being needy. You can take this in a high-value way by finding resilience, mobilizing the resources you have, and finding solutions rather than excuses.
A lot of high-value people had springboard negative moments that sprung them to deeper success. In his book “I can’t accept not trying”, Michael Jordan used the moment when he got cut from his high school basketball team as motivation to go to the gym to practice and shoot before school every day. This was a catalyst that sprung him to become arguably the greatest of all time. In essence, it was good that he got cut from that team.
A good philosophy one of Todd’s team members has is “says good.” Whenever something bad happens, he would say “good” and try to explain why it can leverage him to a good thing or motivate him. This is a much more positive and healthy mentality to take because it’s going to get you doing the right thing rather than wallowing in misery or negativity.
Think of it as an opportunity. Remind yourself that everyone would succeed if everything was easy. The fact that things aren’t easy is your opportunity to succeed.
How can you roughly estimate her level? Lots of fugly girls think they’re tens and lots of hotties have low self-esteem.
You’re going to be doing a sort of guess and check. You can tell a lot about a person based on how they look in the choices they’ve made.
On average, a hot girl is going to be more high-value. This lets you treat her as a high-value individual. You can tease her more. You can be a little more abrasive and cocky.
A girl who is less attractive is less likely to have had a really positive social feedback. This makes it less likely for her to be confident about her body and sex appeal.
As soon as you start interacting with someone, you’re constantly getting new information that will change your guess. If your target is in a straight-line path, you can calibrate if you go too far off until you weave your way to that target. You’re reassessing and re-guessing as you get more information. Your guesses will get faster as you get better at game and interact with more different types of girls.
Can you explain your view on what is moral and how it relates to game and winning in life? Sometimes, you say approaching the girl is the right thing to do.
There are absolute and personal morals. Some morals are absolute because society wouldn’t be able to function without them. Some examples are “Thou shall not kill” and “Thou shall not steal.”
Every person is going to determine their own moral code. They’re going to determine their own convictions and values based on what they think is important. Some people may think it’s immoral to not give to charity while others think it’s immoral to give to charity. People might support the second cause due to free trade and efficiency or the belief that you shouldn’t meddle into the lives of strangers. There are many different ways of evaluating a situation that may seem obvious.
You have to determine your own moral code. You have to decide what’s important and valuable to you. Once you determine that, the answer to what is moral is what lives up to your value system.
When Todd says approaching the girl is the right thing, this assumes that you’ve decided to learn game and want to approach women more. You’re going to have your belief, desire, and goal on one side. Fear and nervousness are on the other side. Putting your belief and desire over your fear and nervousness would be doing the moral thing over the easy thing.
Only you can know if you’re acting ethically and morally based on your set of beliefs. There may be a time when it’s right to violate something that is socially wrong based on your moral or ethical beliefs. Killing in self-defense or in a war against an oppressive regime goes against “Thou shall not kill” but it is deemed ethical due to a greater understanding or another principle. If the other side were to win the war, what you do would be considered unethical. There is a relativism to what is moral.
You should be consistent with what is moral and ethical. Hopefully, you would have given it some thought and have a good framework of your morals, ethics, beliefs, and values in your life. Moral in this case means being able to stick to your beliefs rather than caving in to pressure.