With a woman’s dual mating strategy, going for a high-value guy to get them pregnant versus going for a guy to stick around, wouldn’t a girl’s blueprint also have some fluidity to it depending on who she is talking to?
Yes, it absolutely does. There are some guys the girl will sleep with, with the idea of making them her boyfriend. There are also guys who she will sleep with as a one night stand or a value.
It is common for a girl to have a one night stand with a guy and also be happy with him as a boyfriend. If the guy is high-value enough relative to the girl, she may think it is not possible to have him as a boyfriend. This makes her resign herself to the idea of a one night stand.
The situation in which you meet the same girl also changes the blueprint. It’s different if you meet a partying girl in Las Vegas compared to meeting the same girl in a small town in Iowa where she has lived her entire life.
When should I be polarizing and showing your identity versus empathetic and socially aware?
Think about the coffee value and comfort matrix. If you have enough value and need comfort, you need to be more empathetic. If you’re finding that the girl is getting complacent around you and the spark is deteriorating, you want to be more polarizing.
You should always be socially aware. Being socially aware is a sign of comfort and value. There’s always time for that and always in premium.
Showing your identity is both value and comfort. Telling a story about you brings value by conveying your positive traits and displaying you as the hero or center of the story.
It also brings comfort in the sense that you’re opening up to her.
If the girl’s blueprint and value don’t necessarily add up to yours, are you willing to adjust without compromising your own values to see if an interaction can progress forward?
It generally depends. At any given time, you have an idea of what you’re looking for. That idea may not be set in stone and could change over time. Let’s say you like girls who are athletic and play sports. If you meet a girl who is a top ballerina, she is providing the same things you would have wanted in a girl who plays competitive sports. On the other hand, you might like the head to head feistiness and competitiveness from sports that the ballerina does not display. This makes the ballerina less appealing to you.
There are “means values” and “ends values.” “Means values” are how you get there. “Ends values” are what you’re actually trying to get at. You may not hit your “means values” but you’re still satisfied because you’re still hitting your “ends values”, which is fine.
The other thing that will happen is that your view of what you want will change over time. When Todd first started dating, he thought he wanted a girl who looked like she got straight A’s with a resumé full of accolades. He found out that girls of this description were uptight and bust and not as fun. There were a lot of girls who had a lot of the characteristics but were also fun and sexy and an attitude of how they like to spend their free time. Todd’s blueprint mainly stayed the same but it somewhat evolved over time as he met more girls. Anyone else can also experience this blueprint change.
If you meet a girl who doesn’t exactly fit your blueprint but you’re still enjoying her, keep enjoying her, and see where it goes. She may not be the blueprint you want to marry. She could be a great hookup or short term relationship. There’s no reason to run away if you’re enjoying it. Let your blueprint be flexible but maintain standards. You may even find something better than your blueprint. You should leave if you don’t find it emotionally, mentally, or spiritually nourishing. “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds” says sticking to something just because you said it is foolish.
The biggest ethical standard to have is to be consistent in doing the right thing based on the information you have. This information is constantly evolving. Make a new decision by all means if new information is found.
Isn’t calibrating to a girl’s blueprint at odds with her coming to your playing field and judging her by your values?
It depends. There are certain values that you should absolutely have. There are also values that you don’t care about.
There are a lot of traits that you’re happy to engage in but also others that you’re not. Todd was a professional soccer player for one year but he also plays other sports like pool and tennis. His blueprint is a soccer player and it would be great if a girl could play soccer with him. If she could play tennis, this would still be great despite a tennis player not being the stated blueprint. This is not something that would compromise or harm the relationship.
You’re a fluid and complex concept. You are a different person with every single person you interact within your life. You have different personalities when you interact at work and when you interact with your parents. These different personalities are hopefully all people you are congruent with and like being. Work on them if they’re not.
It’s fine if one girl likes some displayed characteristics about you but another girl likes other characteristics about you. You don’t have to force a relationship to be 100% your terms. There are many different terms that will work for you and many different ones that will work for her.
You will usually reach a compromise of blueprints in a relationship. Let’s say you usually sleep with the girl on the first night but you meet a virgin. You would meet in the middle and sleep with her in a week or two. You would want to make it 70% your frame and dictating the playing field. There should be some flexibility.
The beauty about dating women is that there are many different relationships that could appeal to you. It would be boring if every relationship was the same. You usually end up with a compromise. You should not be compromising your must-haves and necessary priorities. You can compromise on some of the little things that don’t matter as much.
How can you leverage objective low-value attributes with perceived high-value traits with your UVP?
Todd used to lead by stating that he was a state chess champion. This is not necessarily the most high-value thing. Nowadays, he leads as a successful social entrepreneur and chess becomes an addition to his UVP. These things will enrich if you’re preframed as high-value. If you’re one dimensional with loving animals, the girl will think of you as a loser. If you’re a UFC fighter who beats his own drum and pets an animal, people will be like “Aww, he has a heart.”
As you’re stereotypically high-value, all these things that would not be high-value are going to be viewed through a different lens. This is called a halo effect or confirmation bias. Once a girl has defined you as high-value, she’s working these other traits into your high-value identity and making you more high-value. A guy that’s all about chess would not be fitting in. A socially cool guy who happens to like chess is standing out. This guy has shown he can socially dominate and he does chess for himself and not for others. If you’re perceived as low-value, you get the reverse halo effect and reverse confirmation bias where everything you do is perceived as low-value. Once you’ve set the right frame and set yourself as high-value, you have a huge platform for determining what is high-value.
Once you have a girl in your frame, you can do a lot in explaining the frame and getting her to participate and move further within that frame. It will be problematic if you show these elements when she hasn’t accepted your frame in the first place.
You said you’ll never get rid of low-value behaviors. Why not? Do you still have some?
As you progress in life and game, you end up making all the same mistakes at higher levels. If your mistake is being timid and not going for it, you would first need to be able to do the approaches. You would then be afraid of escalating physically once that is done. Later on, pulling the trigger and bringing the girl home may be nerve-wracking for you. After that, it may be hard for you to ask what you want in bed.
Being high-value may also pose similar issues. Thinking that you’re high-value would be the first step. Once you’re okay with that, you become comfortable with being high-value in more and more situations. You might come to a situation with a lot of social pressure where you’re dealing with billionaire celebrities who know they’re high-value. You just have to deal with it as best as you can as a human.
As you’re constantly improving, the stakes and competition naturally rise. Almost anybody would be put into situations where they’re either high-value or low-value relative to everybody else.
The goal is to get better and better to maximize high-value situations and mitigate low-value situations to minimize acting low-value.
Is bluntness or brutal honesty a low-value behavior? Is it a leveling behavior?
It depends and is often a high-value behavior.
Willing to say what you believe in unapologetically is a high-value behavior. Knowing and expressing your opinions bluntly is high-value and positive.
There are different forms of communicating a message. There is an unsophisticated, heavy-handed, forceful way of having something happen. There is an organic and subtle way of handling it where the social fabric is not torn and everybody still feels good. Getting a message across a less blunt and offensive way is a high-value behavior.
It’s appropriate to call it a leveling behavior. The fact that you’re willing and able to be blunt shows high value in willingness and risk-tolerance. Some people might think being blunt is low-value since you could be like “I’m low-value anyway. What’s the risk?” Stating your mind is a high-value behavior unless if it is done in an unrefined or very obvious way. This combination of low-value and high-value behavior makes it a leveling behavior in some contexts. It’s not going to make you maximally charismatic or persuasive. It won’t increase your positive social feedback.
A really good game is the combination of an inner game willingness and the techniques to be able to pull it off.
How come some very charismatic people like Prince and Kurt Cobain are very quiet and soft-spoken?
Generally, less is more in communication. It’s less powerful if you tell somebody something than if somebody came up to you and asked for it. It puts you in a more charismatic and high-value position.
You can afford to be modest if you have something else that draws attention to you. Prince has his own unique aura and looks that attract attention to him. Kurt Cobain is also a very famous musician.
Things get easier if someone is already pursing your attention. It is a good idea to sit back. When Todd agrees to go on a date, he goes in with a chill and laid back attitude and lets the girl game him.
It’s incredibly charismatic if you have enough social capital to have people chasing because it’s the least tryhard way of conveying yourself.
The problem is that you need a massive hook to pull it off.
Celebrities already have their fame for this.
What is the science to know if the value to comfort ratio is enough or too much for her?
You know what you’ve done. You know what has worked for you in the past. You can just assume the girl is a typical human being and that what has worked for you in the past will be a good general roadmap. If you were heavy-handed, you might need to be nicer. If you’ve been too nice, you may need to polarize more.
You want to look at her reactions. If she’s on edge or nervous, that means you have a lot of value but she’s not feeling quite comfortable. If she’s getting complacent or she stopped qualifying herself, these are signs that your value might be dropping.
You want to catch these trends before they get big. It’s better to rebuild your value when she gets a little complacent compared to when she is completely complacent. You want to have many micro calibrations where there is almost no movement rather than big calibrations at a time. It’s important to watch how her reactions change over time as your behavior changes too.
Do women really have their own values or do they always follow the crowd or strongest frame?
Women are their own people and can think for themselves.
The real question that would be asked is if the typical people have their own values or do they follow the crowd or the strongest frame. People have their own values but also follow strong influences.
If you’re around someone high-value, there is a natural urge to do things similar to them. You may refrain from this if you learn game but attraction is not a choice. You can choose how to respond to this natural urge. This is basically what social pressure is. When you’re faced with a view of the world different from yours, you can choose to accept, reject, or compromise with the opposing world view.
The idea that people are automatic respondents to stimulus is inaccurate. We are more complex than that. We notice and feel attraction towards things that are valuable to us. We also have a lot of free will in how we interpret it. There may be conscious and comfort factors where a girl feels a guy has value but she responds through her social lens and the value she was taught. People will respond differently to social pressure.
Everybody’s reaction will be a mix of who they internally decided who they are and the social situation they are put into.
Derek is the perfect example of a high-value archetype. He makes other instructors look like fags. Can you give us some insight on how to achieve this cult leader status?
Be very careful about believing the hype of anybody. When someone has put a certain narrative about themselves, there needs to be proof to demonstrate it. The more extreme someone’s perception is, the more you should question it. People have their own views on something.
It’s easy to create a story if you have the time and motivation to piece together a story. There are people that are very good at this.
It’s okay to have role models. Try not to think of one person as a role model in life. Even the most amazing people have flaws. Some people you thought were low quality may be more high-value than you while others you had high opinions of may not as great as they seem. Think about what you can learn from this person. You can also think about how the person bought your hype and apply those same skills to yourself.