Q&A #3

My number one security is how and when and if to convey embarrassing or shameful things to a girl. My past career crashed and burned after being publicly disgraced over allegations of sexual misconduct that had some truth to them. How do other people communicate these things when meeting new people in a way that allows them to still show high-value resilience and trust? When and how do you bring that up? 

Do not bring up that information early on. Do not unburden yourself until you have enough value in history or the person actually knows you. There are a lot of things that are fine once you know someone and have some view of their personality. It would be an immediate deal-breaker if this information was the first thing someone found out about you. A lot of girls put “only this certain height and above” but many girls have no problems dating people below that height. 

The more potentially troubling or low-value making something is, the more value you want to make sure you have before presenting it. You should not be in a hurry to present these kinds of things. Whether you even have to present them at all in anything short of a serious relationship is debatable. The only reasons you should sharing this are that it’s still affecting your life or the girl would feel a massive breach of trust to you if she found out at a certain point.

Your past mistakes are your past mistakes. You want to be the best person you can be now. You wouldn’t want to tell a girl every time you wet the bed in grade school or every embarrassing thing that happened in middle school. 

Get the idea that you want to be loved for your best self. You want to be loved for the person you can be now and the person who you will be for that girl. 

You are more insecure about yourself than other people since you know all the negative things that happened in your life. Everybody else also knows all the negative things in their lives. It is okay for both sides to keep that information and have a positive interaction based on who you are now. 

If the girl thinks of as a major breach of trust, you would assess where you think the line got crossed. 

A similar situation is if guys should tell girls they do game. This is also your personal information. You don’t need to unburden yourself with that. This will only detract from their experience rather than enhance it.  If you think you’re doing it for them, you’re probably being selfish in doing it for your own emotional reasons.