Techniques to Convey Value
Keep in mind that this idea comes from evolution. If you ever wonder whether a technique’s usage is correct in a situation or you need a value bump, think in terms of the high-value and low-value things you’re conveying to her. Think about how the girl is seeing you and what do you have going for you.
Teasing is very attractive for several reasons. The fact that you are loose and relaxed enough to be able to tease in a situation with a girl says a lot. The fact that you’re willing to be offensive and taking a risk shows you had a lot of girls in your life.
Push-Pull is amazing because it gives the girl an emotional rollercoaster. When you go above or below the normal range of emotions, that is when you’re standing out. Teasing is a great way to stand out. Push-Pull is the epitome of teasing. Push-Pull is mixing some positive emotional spikes with some negative emotional spikes. If you’re positive all the time, your positives become meaningful. If you’re negative all the time, you’re a downer and no fun to be around. If all you do is push, you may get attraction that way, but it would be weird to physically escalate things.
The good thing about mixing up the positive and negative is that it’s not entirely insulting. There is a positive and the negative should be like an afterthought. The negative should not be biting or insulting. The more organically and effortlessly the line comes out, the better.
A long time ago, Todd and his rich British student were out shopping for chicken when a salesman heard the student’s accent and approached him. They started talking about England and the salesman mentioned how he visited the second or third nicest area of Chelsea. Without missing a beat or seeming tryhard, the student said, “Nobody’s perfect.” It was effortless and unintentional and he did not mean it as an insult. It came out as an accident because he was used to an opulent lifestyle and thought of the world a certain way.
You can practice Push-Pull on anybody. For example, you can do it on a person from TV or Youtube. Just get used to this format of pushing and pulling.
Another great way you can do Push-Pull is to tell a story. Start every sentence with “fortunately” or “unfortunately.” This will teach you to have a natural back and forth and tension.
You don’t want to push-pull every sentence to a girl, but it is better to have an abundant arsenal of lines.
In any interaction, one person is usually trying harder to impress than the other one. Whoever is trying to impress or win the affection of the other is usually the person of lower value.
Getting someone to qualify themself to you is valuable in game. One of the best hallmarks for whether a girl will sleep with you is if she is qualifying herself, especially in a social setting where you can’t get physical. She is reacting to you and seeing you as a person of value.
One of the best ways to get someone to qualify is to disqualify them. Disqualification can be seen as challenging or pushing the girl away. This is so that she’ll want to prove something against a challenge or come back into your good graces.
Disqualification typically should not be flat out insulting. Instead of saying “You are an ugly and awful person”, you can say “I’m not sure if you and I can get along.”This is stating a personal preference but not mentioning anything wrong about the other person. This subtle distinction is important about disqualification.
The negative spike in Push-Pull is already a form of disqualification. Push is just the way of balancing it. You don’t need to have a positive spike to have the negative. You can have disqualification by itself and it tends to effective.
Like Push-Pull, you can practice disqualifying by going around and disqualifying various people. The better way to practice is to have an attitude of having standards. The best way to practice is to have an idea of what your standards are for someone and remind or nudge them if the standards are not met. Giving them a little bit of a hard time in a fun way is a good start for practicing disqualification and upping your arsenal.
Aloofness and disinterest is a general vibe. Disqualifiers or negative spikes in Push-Pulls are disinterests. It makes them more powerful if they are delivered with aloofness.
Aloofness and disinterest are high-value things. If someone calls your name and you immediately snap to attention, that conveys something about you. On the other hand, it is more high-value if someone calls your name and you respond with a nonchalant “Oh, hey. What’s up?” The fact that you don’t care as much or not as reactive is a sign of high value. High-value people typically don’t feel endangered or the need to justify themselves and please people.
The delivery mechanism matters too. The attitude that goes behind a lot of behaviors makes it better.
Reframing is the idea of taking an established meaning and changing it. Preframing is the idea of instead of changing an established meaning, you decide what the meaning is going in.
The idea of a frame is that it’s the viewpoint that you are looking at facts that changes or influences the meaning of the facts. Let’s say you are late and stuck in traffic when you have to move to the side and slow down even more due to a blaring ambulance. How do you feel about the ambulance driver when you saw him able to cut through the traffic and pass everyone else? Most people would be okay with it because the driver is doing a job and probably saving a life. Now, let’s say that a red sports car is cutting through the traffic behind the ambulance. You wouldn’t feel good about the sportscar taking advantage of the situation and would call the driver a jerk or asshole. In both scenarios, someone is cutting through traffic and affecting you, but the context of an ambulance makes you feel differently about it. What happens if you find out that the sports car driver’s ill and pregnant wife was in the ambulance and would benefit from being at her side? You would probably now wonder why he is not in the ambulance with her or why he is tailgating. The same events have a different meaning every time your perspective changes.
Generally, preframing is better and easier than reframing because it’s smoother.It’s easier to create the frame and have it exist than to undo a frame. If there are frames you’d like to present in the conversation, you should do best to introduce them.
In a man-to-woman interaction, it’s really useful if you can inject positive frames about you in the conversation. These can be ideas of girls liking you and you being a high-value guy. If you have to reframe to pass a shit-test, you can do it, but it’s a lot better if you get there in the first place. If you’re applying for a job and you know you have some weak areas, you will be in a better situation if you can preframe your strengths as the most important for the job rather than having to reframe after the other person mentions how your strengths are not important.
Let’s say you want to make a sexual topic appear in the interaction. At the same time, you don’t want to be cheesy or be the pervert who only talks about sex. You also don’t want them to see you in a miscalibrated way where the interaction has been platonic and suddenly it’s sexual.
“Quotes” is when you say it as though someone else said it.“Hey, my friend told me ‘XYZ’ ”You could also tell a story where somebody else is doing the thing.You’re just getting this fact or topic out and it has to be thought out. It’s like somebody tells you “Don’t think about a pink elephant”, which makes you think of a pink elephant.The sexual thing now exists in the conversation but you’re not responsible for it because you quoted someone else for doing it.
Arguing the other side is sort of an attraction technique. Todd uses “arguing the other side” as a negotiation and persuasion technique.
If you argue for a certain thing to happen, you could come off in several negative ways. You look like you have an agenda. You look needy or pushy, which could come off as creepy or untrustworthy.
A good thing to do is to argue against yourself, but argue it in a way so it provokes the answer you want. Instead of saying “Hey, we should get out somewhere bigger”, you can say “I just realized I can’t take you home tonight because I have to wake up early in the morning. I’m still enjoying hanging out with you, but at least it’s a relief you won’t have your way around me.” Since it’s a disqualifier, she might argue back “Oh, what time tomorrow?” and if you reply with “Oh, 10 AM”, she could be like “Oh, that’s not early. We could still hang out.” The script has now flipped and she is arguing to take you home because you argued the other side in which the obstacles are easily solvable.
If you are clever about this, this is a great way to get the girl to chase you and even pull you or be the driving force for things going forward in the interaction.
Photos are not really honest. People only take photos and videos of the absolute best parts of their lives. They’re still perceived as honest. It’s a form of evidence and a glimpse of reality. People’s first emotional responses when they see a photo are “Oh, I’m jealous”, “They’re hot”, “That’s impressive”, etc.
The other good thing is that you didn’t take social media for her. In theory, it’s used to show the world or because it was worth capturing. Even if you did it for girls in general, it’s different than taking it for one girl specifically.
It’s a little hard to be needy and a good way to be oblique. Let’s say you are talking about a friend to a girl and you say “No way you haven’t met him. Let me see if I have a picture of him.” If the picture is you and him on a yacht together, you had a reason for showing the photo and you got a bump of high-value for being a guy who has been on a yacht.
Photos and social media are great ways of making things unintentional and organic. One great routine is called the photo routine. Have some cool photos on your phone so you can start flipping through them once you find an excuse to show them when you’re talking to a girl. If you start flipping and say “Oh, that was cool”, she might start asking about them and now you’re talking about your life but in a positive scope.
The girl thinks that every time you open your mouth, you’re conveying your past experience in life. If you’re confident, you’re conveying that you had good social feedback and people like you to the extent of you feeling comfortable being confident. If you’re willing to be commanding and assertive, you’re showing that it went well in the past when you have been commanding and assertive. If you’re weak and timid, you’re indicating that the only way you’ve learned how to communicate is by being weak and timid.
You can work on your voice directly. Seeking report tonality sounds like a question. Neutral report tonality sounds flat. Breaking rapport tonality sounds harsh or like a command.
The best thing to do is to have the right frame. The frame usually dictates the content. If you’re coming from a frame of believing a value or coming from a frame of authority, you’ll speak authoritatively and that’s when you will do best. If you expect a good response when you start a conversation, that’s what you will tend to receive. If you expect a bad response, you will most likely get one because it will be reflected through your tonality, body language, eye contact, etc..
Shit-tests are perceived as signals because you had to pass them on the spot, not create them If you claim to be amazing and you pass the shit-test, you will become even more amazing.
Being arrogant and a little instigating is a great way to make a shit-test happen, which is what we want. In a perfect world, the girl would just like you and not bother shit-testing you. In the real world, you have to get the girl’s attention and the shit-test is great because it buys you time and opportunity to be your own personality.
A shit-test is not an insult. Insults are a different category: “You’re lame”, “You’re stupid”, “You’re ugly.”
Insults can be handled by reframing.“You noticed that about me, thanks.” “You’re paying a lot of attention to me.”If the insult is over the top, you can be like “Well that escalated quickly” or “Wow, that’s surprising. I can’t believe your parents let you talk to other people like that.” You can be the social police in a funny and friendly way because the girl stepped very out of line, even if you were out of line too.
Due to shit-tests not being insults, what the girl is saying negative is implied. Instead of saying “That’s an ugly dress”, what would be said is “That’s an interesting fashion choice.”
The fact that the negative is implicit is where the easiest way to pass the shit-test is due to misinterpretation. You can take the implication and turn it backward. If she says “Wow, interesting fashion choice” with sarcasm, you can be like “If by interesting you mean awesome, then X, Y, Z” or “Glad you find it fascinating, I’d hate to be boring.” Take the euphemism and assume it the other way. Figure out the positive implication using the obvious or negative implication and deliver it in the most natural way possible.
Fashion and style are literally your first impression before you open your mouth. The way you dress, stand, smile, etc. all matter. You want to fit in and then some.
Copy a style that looks like a guy who gets laid. A good exercise is to keep a catalog of guys who look like they get laid. Some archetypes that can be seen are the bad boys, pretty and well-dressed boys, and athletic, jockey guys. You can copy an archetype that suits you. Copy a guy who is as similar as you in one of those archetypes. Dressing similarly to them and styling your hair the same are some things you can do.
If you want to take it a step further, try to add one unique element of your own or some of your own unique flair. Be careful with going overboard with this. There is an old school method called super peacocking, where you are dressing outlandishly and different from a girl’s view of a potential boyfriend. In one of his scenes, James Dean looks super cool, stylish, and edgy because he had a matchstick sticking out of the corner of his mouth. If he had put another one on another corner of his mouth, he would go too far and would not suit him. Similarly, you want to be on the cusp of cool and stylish. You could end up looking like a dickhead if you cross that line even a little.
Buy clothes that fit the way they’re supposed to fit now. If the style you’re going for is tight-fitting, hope to have the body that can pull it off. If the style is baggy, go for actual baggy clothes.
Buy the clothes in the right style. The fit matters as the clothes themselves. Most guys are typically better off dressing slightly tighter than they typically do, but it depends on a person to person case.
Check out the “Fashion and Style Guide” from the “Outer Game Manual” for more context regarding this. There are some current trends written in it. Even if trends change, the principles still apply the same.
EXERCISE — Push-Pull
Don’t think ahead when it comes to Push-Pull.
If you have to think them through, come up with them, and then deliver them, you’ll be like the guy from the SNL skit who is always 10 seconds late to the conversation.
The secret to owning a skill in game is to come up with it on the spot.
Just start talking and create the Push-Pull out of the talking like it organically happened.
Look at the picture of the girl and say the first thing that comes out of your mind without editing or censoring it.
Follow up what you said with something of the opposite spectrum. If you said a positive thing, follow it with something negative. If you said a negative thing, follow it with something positive. If you said a neutral thing, follow it with something strongly positive or negative, which will make the other statement look negative or positive in comparison, such as “You’re wearing a black dress. I fucking hate black dresses and every girl has one” or “You’re wearing a black dress. Very classy, girl.”
Now, look at Todd and follow the same procedure. Ex. “Cool shirt, but no design, really?” or “I love the content of the webinar but I wish there was a more attractive guy speaking.”
The good thing about this exercise is that you can practice in on anybody at any place and time without needing to say it out loud.
Make this an instinctive habit.
You should get to a point where you could have a positive or negative emotional spike in a conversation anytime you wanted to.
You don’t have to say every Push-Pull that comes to mind.
It is better to have a habitual abundance of Push-Pulls available than to have a lack of them when the situation arises.
EXERCISE — Sex with me is like…
Pick a random non-sexual item.
Now, say “Sex with me is like ‘item’ ” and provide reasons why. Ex. “Sex with me is like a chair. You can have it in any room of the house.”, “Sex with me is like a rollercoaster. You go faster and faster and get off.”
If you are with a partner, you can go back and forth with your partner with one object until something is repeated or does not make sense.
If you are by yourself, try to get to a certain number. Ex. “I want to pick this object and bang out 3 or 4 as fast as possible.”
This exercise is purely for practice.
It is not meant to be used directly in sets with girls.
Think of this as lifting weights in the gym if you were playing football or baseball.
This is good for not only your creativity but also figuring out things that associate with sex because a lot of guys struggle with taking a platonic conversation and making it a man-to-woman interaction.
It is better to escalate an interaction by being subtle and humorous than in a forced and clunky manner.
If you can get to 5 sentences with one object, you are pretty creative and know how to sexualize.
You will see that certain words are easier to make punch lines with, so get familiar with them. Ex. Hard, Fast, Slow, Penetrate
EXERCISE — Misinterpretation
What you can do in a set is reframe or misinterpret a nonsexual thing the girl says as a compliment or something sexual.
She can either accept the interpretation because she’s the one who said it or she can shit-test or protest, which will create banter and a good frame.
Get a partner for this exercise.
The first person will say a sentence with the words “I”, “you”, or “we” in them.
The second person will then misinterpret the sentence as a compliment or sexual advance. Ex. “We’re having this calm conversation from different parts of the world”, “Wow, it’s so cute that you want to be closer with me.” “I have to go home”, “Woah, we can’t just go home yet. Let’s talk for a little more and I’ll grab your number and maybe take you on a date.”
One easy way to practice this is to use a book with dialogue, such as a fiction book, because it will already have sentences with “I”, “you”, or “we” to misinterpret.
You can also do Google “I” and go the first document you see and practice on that.
You should be able to misinterpret any sentence with the words “I”, “you”, or “we.”
EXERCISE — Shit-Test
Answer the most common shit-tests given by women.
“You’re too short.” “Too short for what? I don’t know what you had in mind, but you’re moving way too fast.”
“You’re too old.” “Too old for what?…”, “Well, I’m glad you appreciate a mature man. I don’t have the time for this nonsense.”, “If by old, you mean experienced and wise, yes, but don’t think I’m going to be sharing that with you.”